i have returned with just as many jumbled thoughts and hopeless desires.
the day that hunger became happiness was the day i lost myself.
Sylvia Plath (via flowence)
i shouldn’t be, but:
i’m getting used to this.
i’m running on diet coke and sugar-free gum.
i’m changing this body.
i used to be a small thing, with big eyes and soft hair. i used to be golden, shining.
i used to have nightmares of falling. i used to worry about monsters under my bed and what i was going to be when i grew up.
i’ve changed. i’m now this awkward thing, with worried eyes and dull hair. i’m gray, sullen.
i have nightmares where the numbers on the scale are flying upwards and i cannot stop it. i worry about the monsters in my own head, and being healthy enough to go to college.
where is that innocent child? did i replace her, or did the change happen so gradually i didn’t notice?
either way, things will never, ever, be the same.